As a woman with wisdom honed through numerous life experiences, you possess the ability to laugh uproariously at some and reflect with a knowing gaze on lessons hard-earned. Wisdom, in essence, is the possession of knowledge and the embodiment of sagacity. In my coaching work with many women, I observe the struggle to steadfastly hold onto their wisdom. The pervasive patterns of self-doubt, excessive niceness, shouldering blame, perfection paralysis, overthinking, and shouldering too much responsibility tend to overshadow the innate power of wisdom.
Women are not taught to openly share their wisdom, which often isn't valued as much as someone else’s opinion. If you're among the few who have shared a life experience, faced obstacles, and been shut down, it's likely that you now associate sharing as an unsafe experience, leading to self-censorship.
But what if things could be different? What if sharing your knowledge and wisdom could positively impact the lives of others?
I'd like to encourage you with a story from I mentored a woman in her early thirties grappling with the demands of the family business. She hesitated to speak up, fearing it would upset everyone. Instead, she wore a mask, claiming everything was 'just fine' as she pushed through the workload. This façade led to lonely nights at home, drowning her anxiety in too much wine. Something had to change. This amazing woman decided to work with me over 12 months, recognising that if she couldn’t control her anxiety, she would ultimately let people down.
The freedom of finding your patterns.
My client discovered her true struggle lay in the belief that it was her responsibility to keep everyone happy, even at the expense of her own happiness. This value of pleasing others was depriving her of peace, health, and fulfilment. This value had to exit her belief system and be shown the door. Creating a void, she filled it with a new empowering value – honest, loving relationships with herself and others.
Becoming the real you.
Over the 12 months, she developed a stronger voice, embraced the power of boundaries, self-care, and listening to her honest truth. Trust in her decisions grew, and she consciously valued her time and dreams, becoming her best self. Contrary to her fears, her family didn’t stop loving her because of clearer work-life boundaries. In fact, honest connections with herself and her family opened new doors for growth and a whole new career. Her journey from struggle to health and fulfilment inspired her to help others, leading her to become a health practitioner specializing in energy healing & homeopathy. I even became one of her regular clients.
This story illustrates what is possible when you clarify your belief system and values. Women need space to expand mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Identifying values that no longer serve you is a great starting point.
List of Values to E-valuate.
Here are a list of values that may resonate with you, and need to be shown the door before the end of the year. Playing safe (staying small). Putting yourself last. Staying quiet. Keeping your opinion to yourself. Over-pleasing. Being available for everyone. All the above can go under the heading of valuing safety. Nothing right or wrong.
However be aware as you move into the step by step guide how the values influence your life experience and what you would like to shift for the betterment of you.
Here’s a step-by-step guide:
Draw a line down the centre of your journal page.
List 5-10 things important to you in the left-hand column.
In the right-hand column, rate your experience from stressful to blissful on a scale of 1-10. For example, if your value is to keep other people happy, your experience might be stressful, perhaps an 8.
Write each stressful value on a separate page and explore why it is stressful through free-flow writing for 2 minutes.
In a moment you can release the experience of each stressful value and show it the door. Before doing that, consider a new value that aligns with your heart's desire. Make it a stretch, right to the edge of your comfort zone and beyond.
Go back to the values that no longer serves you. Draw a line through each value you are letting go of. If you like, symbolically tear it up and walk through the door to the outside.
Save the most crucial step for last. Place your new values where you can see them every day. Expect challenges, and when they arise, do something disruptive to old patterns – a silly dance, clapping, singing out loud. Anything that interrupts the old pattern is golden! Most importantly, have fun.
Keep in mind that this is a process we delve into every day in our signature Growth program. If you find it challenging, don't hesitate to reach out so we can support you in an exploratory call. Working on your values is a crucial key to change and it is also a loving way to free yourself from struggle.
Go ahead and book our time here.
Since completing the work, I have clarity and belief in myself. I follow what I know is right to do regardless of what others want me to do. This has lifted a big weight off my shoulders. It's freedom. I make my decisions based on my truth. I can finally be me and that in itself is priceless. Kym, Australia.
Until next time, remember your deep knowing has value.
PS: The free Refine Your Values Workshop is coming up next week. Click on the link here to register.
