Women in our community laugh now. Because they have got it! Before they knew about the unfathomable allure of resistance, all they could think about was how inwardly scared and unsafe they felt most of the time. Trust was low.
On the outside you can talk about having more, standing up for yourself, answering back (yes, it's a thing) and going big, bold and successful. Inside, you have doubts that being this way will ever happen. You may even convince yourself that you’re doing yourself a favor playing small. Keeping yourself 'safe'. You don’t have to prove yourself, right? Admittedly, giving in may seem as though it gives you safe passage through life. Stay under the radar, say less, only go so far to the top, don't make a fuss and by all means, never, ever let yourself be seen as powerful!
And you get to be angry about 'it', this unsatisfying life.
Life is unfair, he or she is unfair. I’ve tried everything.
It should be better. I should do better. I should settle, it's not so bad.
What happens when
Your own self-talk becomes unbearable? Do you take a risk and set out on a Growth Path again? Of course you do you, You are resilient and that persistent voice who whispers to you at 3am in the morning "there is more for you than this" can get really loud.
This is one of the many great qualities about you. You get into action again.
You research, try a few things, read books, join a club and for a while there, life is looking good. You feel stronger, included, on your path!
If you're soul honest, you would say that as good as it feels at the time, nothing really changed for long. The same doubts came back, there you are in a new environment saying less. You still feel scared going to the meeting or showing up to the course. You still get angry for no reason. You talk yourself out of being great.
This is resistance at it's disruptive best
Resistance is stronger, faster and more adaptable than your best efforts. It's also been around long enough to refine its assault on your goals, dreams and self-worth. Resistance disrupts your mindset.
You believe in the strength of resistance to stop you. What is the allure of resistance?
It keeps you safe. That mindset of 'safe' is alluring. It's just not the only reality.
Resistance keeps you awake to the known spaces and places of your life. In a way, you are programmed to be afraid of anything that is unknown and therefore out-of-your-control.
Resistance is a safety-net based on your past experiences and overlaid onto your future self.
Your becoming. The woman who longs to step up, take action, be a force doesn't get to BE.
Resistance is not good or bad. Resistance is just there; in how you think, act and experience life.
Left to run wild, you can find yourself back in the same dissatisfying commentary of lack and doubt. Right at the beginning of this conversation when I wrote that women in our community laugh now, it's due to one core ingredient.
You have the same curiosity. The need to know how you can overcome the fears masked as resistance. More than that, your curiosity is dialed in to find how you can rise above and flourish as yourself.
The story you tell as a woman
The story you tell yourself as a woman is not the heroine's story of overcoming. That is on it's way after you reconnect powerfully with your self-image. How do you do this?
You get real curious and give space for your heroine voice to be heard. Then you draw her into the light one intimate conversation at a time.
Disempowering stories cannot survive in the light and in sound. They need darkness to hide away, silence to dull possibilities and resistance to perpetuate the illusion of safety. It's hard work and exhausting for your mind, body and soul. Being scared of others is honestly staying in the darkness. Saying less is dulling possibilities. Safety is a full body experience and kicks resistance to the curb.
Here's an easy first step
Make a commitment to yourself to notice every time you use disempowering language about yourself. The commitment part is important as it undercuts your internal, programmed dialogue.
Set a message alert on your phone 3 x a day.
The message is the question. What have I said that disempowers me today? Pay attention. Paying attention is vital to halt the allure of resistance. Remember, your disempowering story needs darkness and silence. Give yourself the alert as the light and your voice to speak out what you notice in your language. This will give you clues to explore later as you investigate the story you tell yourself as a woman.
Ok that's it. You don't have to change your disempowering story yet. I would prefer you became so good at noticing your limiting self-talk, that you become tired listening to it. Think about it as tiring out your old narrative. If you are still curious (and there is a high possibility you are). You can powerfully take another step. Once your alert goes off and you read your message, What have I said that disempowers me today?
You can say out loud - change! Say it with full body meaning!
Yes that is it. Let the expression of change inform you what comes next. Maybe you do a little dance. Disagree with your limiting belief or admit the truth - you are confident and beautiful and can feel it (just like Anna N in the quote above).
Chances are you are ready to have a breakthrough to freedom. I invite you to book a exploratory call. It's free. We want to hear about what is going on with you and help you plan your steps to honoring your best self. No strings attached. This is all about offering you value. When you have the Goddess formula, you will laugh too. Lead and flourish on your terms. I invite you to book your call here
Stay curious and chat soon,
Anna Schaumkel Mentor for women to lead and flourish